More Than I Should
by RiverStyx76
Summary: "At night, when the sky is full of stars and the sea is still you get the wonderful sensation that you are floating in space." -Natalie Wood The story takes place after Zarkon's defeat and is starting around the time they're about to first meet Matt Holt. Yeah, lion swap still happens but there's a surprise inside. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"Lance where have you been?"

"Can you stop playing around for a second, Lance!"

"Well, this is all your fault, Lance!"

"**LANCE**!"

When I was younger, I used to swim in the ocean late at night when everyone was asleep and the stars would shine their brightest while pretending I was drifting in what looked like the sparkling eternity of outer-space. Now, I go to the observatory to use the holodeck, wrap my arms around myself and imagine being home. But there is no going back, is there? Because I'm way up here and they're so far away.

It was supposed to be a get in, get out kind of mission. Everyone had their part to play, but something about this one bothered me. It felt way too easy. I mean just looking over the plan I noticed the sheer number of holes where things could fall apart. I tried to bring it up to Shiro, Allura, even Pidge and Keith weeks in advance in order to give a once over to make sure we had a maximum success rate without the hassle of last-minute, instead I was met with sharp stares and tongue lashings for my "horseplay". As I got inside of Red I felt an odd shift in my stomach. Dread rose to the top as if warning me to stay behind. I went to reach out to Red but I was met with silence and another, deeper set of worry curled in my stomach. I wanted to talk to the team about it but something told me it wasn't a good idea and I kept quiet as we flew on to our next assignment. I just knew all hell would break loose. Would we even be able to form Voltron? Looking back though, it wasn't hell that broke loose more like Pandora's box was slowly being opened and instead of guarding it against the prying hands' everyone else seemed to turn a blind eye to the tension crushing us from the inside.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

A soft tune hummed lightly through the air as a young man swiftly danced between the crowds. Voltron just had finished another successful mission and was treated by the people with music and festivities. There was cheering and smiling as the man had danced with the women and children even taking a few men to the dance floor. It seemed even for a while all was well, then the color began to fade and melt away and blue eyes look around in terror as he had once again found himself in a circle of the other paladins' whos jeers seem to sap the happiness he had in his little world away little by little till all he could do was cry and apologize for previous failures and transgressions with feelings of incompetence and self-loathing. As he looked up slightly he was then met by the lions tall, strong, and vibrant was now a dull gray like the world he once danced and sang in. He went to reach out to them to ask for help or guidance or anything to take the dullness away from the world even for a short while and was met with a tense silence. It was as if they were… with the horrifying realization, he'd screamed only to find he was tangled within the fold of his covers. Looking at the time or at least some semblance of time he got up went to his closet to scratch another line in the wall to mark another day passing. With a sigh, he made his way to complete his routine.

It's hard to keep up appearances of a happy and carefree person during wartime. Especially if your one of the people on the front lines of said war. Moments of peace seemed high strung with paranoia and preparation for the next attack. Even so, morale and attrition are necessary to keep the fight. So, in order to help out, I play the goofball, lower tension, but for a while, I've been feeling like I'm doing more harm than good. The team seems more hostile than ever in fact. Not towards each other though, just me. Hunk used to help deal with others' lack of care for themselves but the more he hung out with Pidge the less I saw of him till we just stopped talking altogether. Shiro is always in the Black Lion. I mean I get it it's been a while and he'd gotten snatched by Zarkon and his space cats of death a few times but the days he isn't I can't get a moment to try and talk to him. It's always, "...not now, Lance." I don't really know what to do anymore. Kieth is always in the training room and Allura is… I don't even know anymore one second she's kind the next she's trying to rip my head off. The only ones I've been able to talk to that don't either ignore my existence or threaten my life is Coran and Slav. It's mostly been Slav as of recently since the last attack on the castle has needed some serious repairs and helping any way I can, has been some serious work.

"Lance, report to the main deck!" I heard the princess call over the intercom. Finishing up getting dressed I made my way up to see the others already there. Looking around I see each of them either looking annoyed or exasperated. Honestly, I couldn't keep the blush of embarrassment from my face to my dismay as Kieth and Pidge had to comment on my being late, again.

"Why can't you get up on time for once, Lance? You always are holding up the meetings and debriefs!" Growled the emo mullet with a nasty attitude. I wanted to roll my eyes, but knowing Keith would wanna throw punches and Shiro would step in on Keith's defense. It's not really the first interaction I'd like to have with the team after a long time of not having my existence remembered even at dinner.

"Probably dreaming about another pretty face he met on the last planet." The green paladin said with a sneer. I couldn't help but stare in confusion. The last planet, they didn't even get a chance to talk to any locals as they were immediately swept away by dignitaries to create an alliance between us and the planet and then right after that there was another distress signal and we left before even a day or two of rest. Which honestly the reason why we're probably here. I took a deep breath and looked forward silently ignoring their whispered jibes. After a while of idle chatter, they silenced to hear the princess speak.

"As you know, paladins while we were on the previous planet, Sakar we had received a distress signal. We have just pinned the signal as the where the location may be as it seems to be more moving distress than anything else. "So, you think it's an escape pod or something?" Hunk added nervously. Trying hard not to let the thought of going on a mission so soon frighten him. The princess looked at him a nodded. "Exactly so, we're going to need one or two lions to go and fetch them so that we can examine the damage and try to assist in any way we can. Understood?" We all nodded in understanding and began to decide who was going and who was staying. "Lance we'll need you to go with Pidge in order to scan the ship or pod to see how many are on board then in the case of enemies being around you will also be attacking while Pidge escorts the passengers while using the cloaking device on the lion." I nod in understanding and prepare to leave as I hear Keith and Pidge's protest. I shake my head in frustration and walk to the Red Lion's hangar.

"Allura, really you're partnering me up with, Lance!" I couldn't help but whine. "Yeah, why couldn't just ask me to use Red to take out enemies I'm a better pilot and fighter anyway?" Keith scoffed in agreement. At Keith and Pidge's outburst, Coran shook his head and walked out. ``Why would she do that? All he does is flirt and would just be a distraction to what needs to be done. Why couldn't she partner with Shiro or fly Blue Lion herself? We know Lance is Red's paladin while Keith is away but that doesn't mean Allura isn't the paladin of Blue. And what's with Coran? ' I pouted as I thought deeper about this and walked to Green's hangar.

It was about two or three Varga later before they found what could only be described as a large space pirate ship and I mean that in every sense of the word _mios Dios_! I couldn't stop the chuckle as I scanned the ship for any life forms. "Lance, you better be focused on your task!" Huffed an irate Pidge. "Yeah, yeah I've scanned the ship already don't get your spandex twisted." I snarked in annoyance. 'Really though why is so focused on if I did my task rather than what she's supposed too?' I sigh as I continue to play lookout while Pidge gathered the people inside. "Lance." I heard her drawl out over the coms. "What's up Pidge?" getting ready to go to them at a moment's notice. "There are a few more people here than what Green may have the capacity for. Think you can hold a few of them?" She says showing me the people with her helmet camera. "Sure thing, I'm on my way," I say quickly as I sped off towards the space pirate ship. As I pulled up I go to Pidge as she explains who the people are and where they were. I tell her to head back to the castle before trouble starts as I gather the rest of the rebels. Whom I did not expect to find while looking for the other rebels was one Matthew Holt. Who happen to be pretty beat up by the look of those nasty scratches and bruises. Thankfully there were some medics left behind able to carry him gently enough to Blue and we were able to go straight back to the castle ship without hassle. It almost felt too good to be true. Until chaos ensued on our own ship.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Okay everyone please make your way into two distinct groups of heavily and non-heavily injured so that we can get a better grasp as to who needs immediate attention." The princess called to the people as she led them to either the ballroom or the medical wing. It was pretty hectic but not so much until Pidge noticed Matt within the throng of rebels. Honestly, it was quite a sight if I do say so myself. Tears were shed and hugs were given and a pretty happy celebration was had in finding one of the missing Holts'. Afterward, everyone seemed to break off into groups and cycling between who would get to know Matt first. Pidge obviously called the shots first. Then it went to Shiro with his apologies, with Allura as he seemed to just breath flirtations, Keith in the training room, and Hunk with ideas in engineering. And the longer he stayed the more I noticed… he fit in a space where I just couldn't. Day in and day out I would try to find a place among my teammates and somehow he just managed to come in and just be and it hurt. A lot. I could never just be. I always... at least with them had to change. The longer these thoughts persisted the more of an eleventh wheel I felt. They would invite him to group activities while they continued to forget me and at this point, I just didn't care. And once I stopped caring things seemed to just get worse from there.

"Has anyone seen, Lance?" Hunk asked the group quietly as they all sat in the common room. Everyone seemed to finally notice the lack of sound and laughter through the halls almost haunting the realization that no one had seen Lance in a while. "Now that you mention it, Hunk when was the last time we spoke to him?" Everyone turned a ghastly pale. "Guys he's fine. He's probably just in his room doing whatever." Keith said with confidence that it all honesty felt a little off-putting. "I'm gonna check on him to see if he's okay." The large boy stood and made his way out of the commons to his friends' room thinking of what Pidge and Keith had said. 'When was the last time Lance and I spoke?' It came to him in a dreadful epiphany. It wasn't much of a conversation and more of a verbal put down. And to say he had used such hurtful words towards his _Hermano_ it just made him sick. He needed to find Lance and apologize.

_**Flashback...**_

"Hey Hunk, my buddy, what are you working on today?" Lance said with such cheer in his voice. At the time I was going on six maybe seven hours of sleep within the span of one quintant. I just couldn't deal with him at the moment and without even a hint of a thought of remorse, I spouted such nonsensical venom at him. 'Why-why did I do that?' " Not now Lance, I'm working on a very serious project and I would love it if you disturbed someone else's peace for a time and left me to it." He said a lot more harshly than intended and would've apologized if he wasn't so frustrated with what he was doing but before he could think on it Lance had to go and try to help. "You should take a break, bud. I haven't seen you in forever and...when was the last time you slept or ate, man? You really got me worried." At that point after having to try and rework what he was doing for the sixth or seventh time since before Lance had shown up he'd finally snapped. "Goddammit, Lance leave me the fuck alone! I don't want your fucking help! I don't want you here! I just want to finish this fucking machine so I can work on the next thing and the next so if you want to make yourself useful go find something to do away from me!" I didn't even notice the shock of tears before he scrambled away from me. 'Oh God, what have I done?'

_**End of Flashback…**_

That may not have been the only time he'd lashed out at Lance. Had it? No, it couldn't have been for Lance to look at him like that. 'God why was he so stupid how could he not notice how much he was hurting his friend, his brother in all but blood?' He took a moment to be sick with the fact that he may have burned the bridge to his best friend.

It took a while to find him. He wasn't in any of his normal places. I looked high and low until I stumbled upon what looked to be an old library. Taking my chances I gathered what little hope I had in finding Lance to search here. As I looked around I heard the soft sound of someone giggling while another hushed voice spoke.

"-the thing was like crazy huge I don't know how we even managed to get out of there alive!" I recognized that to be Matt's voice. The laugh that followed though felt foreign yet nostalgic. I turned the corner of the bookshelf to see Matt and Lance reading and talking about previous missions. It was nice to see him and in such high spirits after such a long time. After a moment of silence, the two had finally noticed me, Lance looked pale and ready to leave. Matt seemed confused by Lance's actions as he invited me closer to them. "Hey-guys, what's up?" I tried to sound casual failing miserably and only seemed to make Lance jump out his skin. "Nothing much, we were just-" Before Matt could finish Lance interjected. "I was just leaving...uhh, yeah. Bye." Before Lance could make his way out the room Hunk grabbed his arm. The room was tense and silent. Matt looked between the two and could immediately make out the discomfort and need for privacy for the two. "I could leave if you-" He tried to offer but was once again interrupted by Lance's strained voice. "No! I'll go. I don't want to disturb anyone." He said quietly hardly above a whisper if the library wasn't so quiet you may not have even been able to hear him. It was hard to look at Lance's shaking form as he tried to leave Hunk's grip. It wasn't tight and by all means, he could've escaped. He just didn't have the strength to. Looking at Hunk brought back times that used to be moments of joy and made him begin to question whether it was out of friendship or tolerance? He didn't like feeling like this or thinking like this, but looking at who he thought was his best friend made him nauseous and he felt himself suffocate under his gaze. He had to get away. The silence was too much. His hand on his wrist too much. His eyes too much. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes and the first thing to cut the silence was… "I'm sorry." He froze looking up. Confused ocean blue but met a pained honey brown. Not sure of the sincerity of his words his mind not processing as fast as his feet had him running out the room faster than either of the other men could catch. Matt still in the room a witness to everything happening like the viewer of one of his mom's telenovelas asked the million-dollar question. "What the fuck did you do?" The question was not said with malice but with very distant sympathy. "Nothing good that's for sure." Hunk sighed in defeat maybe he should've given Lance some space before approaching him. He should talk to the team about it. Spoiler from the Meme Lord himself that conversation with the team never happens. But you know what they say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Another month has passed the rebels have come and gone, and the same old shit keeps happening. Somedays, I almost regret running from Hunk, maybe I could've changed how everything played out in the long run but I knew since before then that nothing was gonna be the same. My routine though may have to be the only exception to that, as I wake up from a similar nightmare way too early to be properly functioning. 'God my eyesight has been going to the gutter since our last couple of missions but I guess a couple of hits to the head will do it too ya.' I scoff at my thoughts. 'I'll have to make a trip to the space mall to see if they carry any readers or ask Coran about making me a pair of glasses.' I shake my head in exhaustion. I wonder what kind of mission we'll get this time around. As I make my way down the corridor to the bridge it's nights like these where I can't sleep and everything is quite that I can come down here and admire the star map or the outside view. I once saw the castle ship pass by a nebula, the colors in it reminded me of the times I would sneak out and swim as I watched the stars as I pretended to float through the milky way now 'what I'd give to go back home even for a day.' I sit there for hours in silence till the lights begin to change signaling that cycle is now to a more decent hour and make my way to the dining area.

"Good morning, Paladins!" Allura chimed. I guess today should be pretty chill since she isn't in one of her 'moods'. I sigh as I grab a bowl and pour myself some food goo. Slowly each person makes their way to the table, it feels as though there is a wall between me and them. With no one wanting to close the gap, as the others continued to chatter, I got lost in my thoughts. As I got lost deeper and deeper I found myself in the presence of bright light. It was unfamiliar yet comforting. It reminded me of my mother's hugs and I couldn't help but allow the presence to wrap around me. 'What was this?' I felt the vibrations of a soft purr. When I opened my eyes I found myself no longer in the dining hall with the other paladins but in an open space with a shining star. The light though was bright it wasn't painful to look at. Rather it beckoned me closer. The closer I got the warmer I felt. It was then that reality decided to disturb whatever the heck was happening at this moment.

"Lance, my boy, did you hear me?" Coran questioned worriedly. I had to blink the sleep out my eyes. 'When had I fallen asleep?' I look around to see a mostly empty dining room though Slav and Coran were there to bring some warmth to it. "Huh, what happened?" I yawn looking about in confusion. "Were you asleep this entire time, Lance?" They both looked flabbergasted as I stared at them still confused as to what the hell had just occurred.

"We can discuss this later, Lance, for now, you should go to your room and rest if your this tired," Coran muttered softly as he brushed some hair from my face. I couldn't help but lean into his touch. 'He reminds me so much of papa I could cry.' Slav and he help me to stand and trail me back to my room. Though I wish I could protest the fact that they tucked me in that night I was really tired and didn't even realize it till sometime the next morning.

If I knew though that it would be so long until I'd ever feel such comfort again then I would have cherished it longer. Sadly, I don't think anyone expected outcomes of this mission. Rather I didn't know what to expect.


End file.
